Respecting a Child's No

My two-year-old is at the age where he has learned what "no" means.  He knows how to use the word properly.  My husband and I respect his no.

Does he sometimes misuse the word no? Yes.

I have learned that I have to change my wording sometimes to indicate that I am not giving a choice.  There is no choice in being buckled into the car seat or behaving in the grocery store. 

If I word my request properly, I can generally convince my toddler that my idea is the right one.  He does not usually say "no" when I ask him to do or not do something.

My husband and I follow a parenting style which involves modeling the behaviors we want to see in our children.  It is not do as I say, not as I do.  It is do as I say AND as I do.We know that we can engage in adult activities away from prying eyes once the children go to bed. 

Something that bothers us both is people who do not respect the "no" of a child.  Without becoming political, respecting a child's "no" is an important first step to teaching many things:

1. Consent

2. Power of language

3. Self-regulation

4. Self-Esteem

5. Decision making

6. Respect

7. Proper behavior

I want to raise my son and daughter to be good people who respect themselves and others.  Today, my son was playing with my daughter.  She began to cry because he was overwhelming her.  I used this as a teaching moment.  I told him that her cry was her no.  She's an infant and cannot speak, but we know when an infant has had too much. 

People love to tease toddlers.  They love to see little kids get frustrated.  I do not.  It undermines the powerful growth and development they are undergoing.  It undermines their "no".  If I expect my child to respect my "no", then I model this behavior and respect his "no".

A tip: Only give options when an option is there.  Do not say,"Do you want to go?" if there is really no option. 

I give my son options: Which shirt would you like to wear? What color socks would you like to wear? Would you like juice or milk?

Notice, these are not yes or no questions.  I don't want to hear "no" when he doesn't actually have a choice of doing something. 

Model behavior and respect boundaries...even ones you do not understand. Teach the child to trust you. Teach the child the power of words.